Thank God for press releases. Without them, how would we know about some of the least-interesting product announcements being made at shows like the huge NAMM music conference?

Here are just a few of the most-useless product announcements made in the last few days. And why do I have a sinking suspicion I’ll have part II coming soon?

Taylor’s Limited-Edition Guitars: You’ve gotta love a press release that begins with the words “Acoustic guitar players love wood.” And Taylor delivers: with guitars made out of exotic rainforest wood. Now that can’t be good for the environment, can it?

John Mayer-signature Stratocaster. I was hoping for a John Mayer signature keyboard since John regularly makes fun of his own keyboard skills, but I’ll have to settle for this.

Griffin iPod Cases: Stop the presses! A custom case — for the iPod? Whodathunkit. But what’s newsworthy here is clearly the watermelon pattern with which you can adorn your Apple player.

Evans Utility Key: Sure, having a drum key handy is nice, but what about when you need to open your next bottle o’ Miller Lite? Evans has your answer. Absolutely worthy of a press release, maybe even a demo video? (Flash animation?)

Jack Daniel’s Amp: Peavey has my absolute favorite of these: a Jack Daniel’s-branded guitar amp. (I’m not making this up.) It’s “a U.S.A.-made guitar amplifier inspired by the common American heritage shared by Peavey and Jack Daniel’s.” That heritage being — drunk guitar players?

Truly, a mark of excellence.

Okay, get back to whatever you were doing — I’ve got to get back to my Wild Turkey-edition Casio keyboard and L.S.D.-edition Moog Modular.