Feel like the techno scene already has some hidden game mechanics? Try out an actual, playable board game from Poland in the comfort of home – now with additional business techno merch add-ons, like a cozy pullover or pair of socks.

Last minute gift idea, go!

If you missed this making the rounds recently, Business Techno: The Game is a creation of Poland’s Up to Date Festival and the club FOMO. And it’s not an easy time to be an artist in Poland, either. Eastern European artists still seem to be at a major disadvantage in the larger scene, and now the country has a spate of club closings on top of it – Bialystok’s FOMO being among those victims.

The board game’s creators are striking back with some social critique of so-called business techno (see explanation of that term). And it seems a perfect medium – after all, Monopoly started as criticism, too. Elizabeth Magie created the original as “The Landlord’s Game,” a shrewd contrast of socialism and capitalism, with game mechanics intended to demonstrate the ills of real estate speculation. Of course, Parker Brothers came and ripped the thing off, and American players totally missed a sense of irony and ate it up. But if you’ve ever wondered,”hey, this game seems broken and impossible to win,” or “gee, it almost seems arbitrarily cruel and dependent on who rolled first,” well, YES. Exactly.

Business Techno joins a tradition of game parody in the electronic music scene, including the brilliant but so far unplayable Techno: The Gathering by Vincent Neumann, and the apparently playable Bergnein board game which I believe was thwarted from sale by the actual club. (It is playable but… maybe not all that fun? Insert joke about the club being overrated here.)

There’s this wonderful promo video, with appropriate on-trend graphics:

And on-point description. The gamemechanics – collect Techno Coin, build your empire – yeah, the mechanics do appear to be Monopoly-esque. Let’s hope they run into the ghost of Elizabeth Magie, who I suspect would find like-minded spirits, and not the current grinch of the Hasbro legal department.

Have you dreamed about your own club in Berlin? What about an estate in Ibiza? Would you like a private jet to fly to every techno-gig of yours? These wildest dreams have never been closer!

Business Techno: The Game is a gateway to fame and the magical world of Techno-Influencers, where nothing is impossible, including total disaster and tremendous success.

The road leading to your own Techno Empire is not a path strewn with roses. You’ll have to take many risks to rise to the top. Roll the dice and see what fate brings! Open yourself up to the healing powers of Techno Fairy, but remember that Techno Curse has never been more real!

In Business Techno: The Game , your task is to transfer the reality of the real world into the universe of the game. All to build a Techno Empire based on collecting followers, expanding your reach and releasing tons of content into the world. It’s a simulation of reality. It’s laughter through tears.


And yes, while it seems I completely missed that most of the music press covered this already, those journalists probably won’t rant to you for hours on end about game mechanics and late stage capitalism, and they missed that the online shop in Poland now offers optional business techno socks! Newsworthy! Appropriate for your Hanukkah giving!

Get my champagne, or, okay, Rotkäppchen probably.